just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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