PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
