STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
