it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
