Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
