i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
