I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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