i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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