How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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