The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
