you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
