i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
