I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just made me feel so damn special
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
