Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
