What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize