its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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