I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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