ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize