so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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