Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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