2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
