How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
