Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
