I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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