if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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