Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's get the cat blown out
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
