Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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