I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry my hands just texted you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
