I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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