My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
