I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
