Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
