He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
