You're my little dorito
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
