Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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