A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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