Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
