Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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