he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
