I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
