im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
