There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
