Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
