MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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