....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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