Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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