You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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