kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
