its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
