Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
