Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
