Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
