i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
