After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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