wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
