Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
