I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
