if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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