we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
