I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
