sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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