I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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