i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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