It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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