my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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