I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
