then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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