He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
